The 5 phrases that humiliate children and worse self-esteem (we tell you the antidote)
There are phrases that we utter with our children every day and who may inadvertently suppress their nature and affect their future? Sometimes we do not notice it other times just because we are tired or maybe angry or perhaps because our parents have repeated these sentences or have had the same attitude with us thousands of times and now we tend to repeat them as if we were on autopilot. Such are the phrases as dangerous and be careful to avoid them.
Maybe you never noticed, but there are phrases that have the power to influence your child emotionally and “mark it” of labels that do not correspond to reality. And maybe these labels if bring back as a burden for the rest of his life (maybe it happened to you with your parents?).
We refer to phrases that may sound like this:
Are you dumb!
If you do not so I love you more!
If you do not do the good, there comes the black man!
Stop crying! The strong children do not cry!
In life you cannot have everything!
We do not exaggerate, we survived all these phrases, and how will it?
Maybe you are thinking that will never pronounce sentences sometimes my son that maybe is not quite as positive, “Are you crazy?”, “You’re such a disaster!!” I’ve had received insults, harsh tones and cries, yet they are here, I survived and I’m fine.”
It is true. All continue to have a life, eat, sleep, work, we put children into the world, perhaps we meet the love, and sometimes we laugh and sometimes cry. Only that our question is:
How would our lives if our parents had used more effective and loving phrases instead of sentences “poisonous”, demeaning and judgmental?
Maybe there is a difference between living and surviving, and a difference between “having a life” instead of your life and make your dream, your garden of joy, the theater of your fulfillment and satisfaction.
To choose the second option, you need to believe in you and recognize your value. The relationships you have established with your parents and habits that have imitated over time, their words and the way they do, they have had a decisive influence in this process.
What makes the difference for your child?
You now have the opportunity to stop believing that your influence counts for nothing for his future: a different tone, a communication more loving can make a difference.
For example, there is no difference if mom / dad says ” I love you “but his eyes did not look at me, are empty and absent, his hand does not shake my strong when the cross and his heart becomes inflamed when we play together…
Or if mom / dad says ” I love you “and at the same time his eyes bright and lively looking my eyes, his hands shaking with my complicity and I caress her back and her hair while she / he asks me grinning like I am, or when assembling Legos or is interested in the mysteries of the last puzzle with the same passion?
We present in this article some sentences that you can use so that you can be more secure and aware of your parental role and to help you experience a relationship with your kids not only fulfilling and joyful, but also enormously effective for their future, when, alone, they will have to scale the heights of life and can say:
“Thanks, Mom and Dad, we’re really proud to have had two parents like you!”
5 phrases that can suppress your child
To make a difference with your child cannot begin to say things that make him feel judged and belittled. So first you need to know the phrases “poison” and, once known, should replace them with phrases “antidote” more effective.
Now if you’re wondering why we chose to investigate the effect that the sentences handed down to the self-esteem of your child must know that words have great power. On the one hand reflect the feelings, the mood, habits and way of thinking of those who utter them… on the other have the enormous power to program the neurons of the recipient staring day after day until being absorbed and be used in automatic mode. However, you should also know about how to talk with your adolescent, which we have already discussed in this blog few days back.
NOTE: While you read the sentences is useful to ask: how I would feel in place of the child? I how I felt when I said it in a tone of angry and hard? Now how would I feel?
1st SENTENCE IN POISON “Do not see your sister as ordered?” “I do not see how brave your brother?!” “Why do not you eat what he?” “If only I studied a bit more … watch as she does!”
POSSIBLE EFFECT ON YOUR SON she / he are better than me. Mom and Dad love and appreciate more her / him. I just cannot be at its height. I feel inferior and humiliated. It is better for me to step aside.
Maybe if I start to do even worse, sooner or later they will inevitably stop watching him / her and will take care of me and see my qualities. I am less than, I do not go well.
ANTIDOTE: Avoid as much as possible any kind of comparison. Limited to observe their talents to support them in their difficulties to cultivate the example and above all their uniqueness remembering that the comparison is not spurs and not strengthen but humiliates slows and discourages.
Resize your judgments: If your child is not brought to a given matter does not mean that it is not brought to be happy and fulfilled in life!!!
2nd SENTENCE IN POISON “You do not deserve anything”
POSSIBLE EFFECT ON YOUR CHILD I am someone who does not deserve anything (money, achievement, health, life satisfying couple effective relationships, etc.).
I am that I do not deserve anything. I am that I’m not worth anything. Ok, I run … This attitude generates despair, pessimism and the feeling of having lost nefarious departing.
ANTIDOTE: Think first thing on the motivation that makes you pronounce this sentence against yourself or to your children. Among the antidotes, the ones we like the most are the following sentences: “You are wonderful!” “That’s my princess! What can I do for you today? “
“Mom I want to go to the park!”, “Yes love, would you like? What do you like the park? … If we want to go, well, as soon as possible to bring you very happy. What do you like the park? Maybe we can do it at home in some way while we wait for a day with no rain.”
3rd SENTENCE IN POISON “You are such a plague!”
POSSIBLE EFFECT ON YOUR SON … But my sister made me angry! And to me who thinks? I never do anything right! You do not love me! But do not you realize that I’m angry and I need you? Who can I trust it? At least when I do the plague look at me and consider me…
ANTIDOTE: “Sure treasure understands you! What has angered them so much to tease? “
“I know you would like to run again and use your sword against all the ornaments Grandma … are so handy! They look just all pins! Now let’s go and take all the things that can really be hit by enemies … Lets go! “
(It is also our job to find and create the right conditions so that children can unleash their creativity and imagination while protecting the environment. In this way you learn to respect each respecting the exterior)
4th SENTENCE IN POISON “But what are you doing!?” “But where are you going?!”
POSSIBLE EFFECT ON YOUR SON Ooops! What a humiliation … I feel clip the wings, I feel stuck. Who should do it does not believe in me and in my potential. Do not give me confidence … Maybe I do not deserve. Ok, I can do what feels right. I was wrong.
ANTIDOTE: “Do it! Please try again!” “Have faith!” “Try again! If you really want to succeed reproach until you reach your goal,” “I have confidence in you and I know that if you really want it you can do it for sure!”
“It is normal to make mistakes at the beginning, you can always recover, you also learn by trial and error”
“Mistakes are crucial to find that you did not work and we can fix or find other strategies” (these phrases, if you do not already, you can start to tell even to yourself)
5th SENTENCE IN POISON “He is shy, it does not socialize … eventually isolate”
POSSIBLE EFFECT ON YOUR SON Ah OK I’m so. So I am a shy person. I’m not normal, I have problems. I will have more difficulties to socialize, to be with others. OK (I run …).
ANTIDOTE: You may be wondering: is really shy, or is typical of his age do not need to socialize? Love the reflection and introspection it is really shyness?
Or because it is shy? There is someone who is shy of his parents? We have often corrected or judged so much that now is reluctant to show him?
A flourishing future made of respect and trust because you are writing these reflections for today’s children and tomorrow we hope to mature men something different, something more. If we look at the outside world, we realize that today many of us have been inadvertently affected. Many of us have allowed these limiting conditions did the lord.
But, as always, nothing is lost. Your “fate” and that of your son are not discounted. Now you can do some more reflection and choose the “antidote” that day after day will shape even the hardest stone to dissolve inside you limitations more ruinous. If you are freer, also for your son will open the doors from which, looking out, you can look forward to a prosperous future, made of respect, trust and finally free from all the negative influences of the past. Free to truly realize him with the new terrain that you will have prepared for him.